Sick of sick, sick of alone

For the past four and a half days, I've been cooped up in my condo, only venturing out when I can force myself to take the dog out. She, meanwhile, has been loving having me home, and has been cuddling up to her sick mom quite nicely most of the time.

It's amazing, though, that even though I'm stuck here, I don't exactly feel disconnected. I've been more or less living on Facebook, not only trying to beat high scores on Tetris, but checking out what friends are posting, looking at pictures, commenting on friends' pages.

The outside world seemed pretty close two days ago, when looking out the window, I noticed a dog walker friend walking with a police officer, quite purposefully. As they approached the corner, a few squad cars and unmarked cars pulled up. The focus of everyone's attention was a distraught looking woman, hands gripping a handkerchief as she spoke to them, my friend obviously trying to comfort her. I'll have to wait until she and I bump paths walking our dogs to find out the story on that one...

I also received a text message from a dear college friend, telling me that she and other members of her family had just sung her father into the next life. I called her immediately, but of course, there is nothing real to say beyond 'sorry'. Her father was a pastor; they know his salvation is sure. They knew the end was upon them. Doesn't really help. Prolonged or sudden, it's never easy.

Yesterday was also a day for family contacts. I played a little game on the FB sites of some nieces and nephews, then got email news about my sister's knee surgery, and pictures of another sister's grandson. Chatting back and forth, sharing little bits of each other's lives, it makes us seem so much closer.

I received phone calls from both of my bosses - one preparing some work for next week; the other had a recap of what I'd missed and plans for two weeks hence.

Then later last night, another email from church, regarding songs for this coming Sunday. I'd also had contact with my pastor in previous days concerning the Thanksgiving Eve joint service with our Hispanic sister congregation.

And of course, almost every day, my son has been around for part or most of the day.

So why do I feel so cut off?

It's that human touch, that face-to-face factor that's so important. There are times when I do just want to be alone, but if I go for extended periods without some serious human interaction, my extroverted spirit gets restless, lonely.

We read a The History of Love for book club, and one of the main characters was a slightly crazy old man who lived by himself. He would do odd things now and then to make sure that people saw him, noticed him - like dropping all his change on the floor as he was buying something at the convenience store. He'd get food delivered to his house so that he'd know at least one person had seem him that day.

So yes, I did in fact just order in pizza even though I've got a fridge full of food. I'm sick of being sick, and I'm sick of being alone, and I'm sick of being cooped up. Three seconds with the pizza man isn't exactly my idea of high quality discussion time, but at least I'll know someone else has seen me today!


ED: Well, pardon me for whinging a little... it's nice that the cold finally made it's way out of my system (only after 2 and a half weeks), and I seem to be left with the obligatory runny nose and cough that are more or less constant companions during the winter in Chicago.